A Soothing Ray of Light

This was written in Haiti in March of 2010 during Holy Week:

To be back the middle of intense suffering, in the middle of death, was deeply distressing. Despite some of the good things happening since the day the earthquake struck, Haiti seemed to be pushing me toward a sense of absolute hopelessness. What am I doing? Is any of this – the films, the books, the speaking – making any difference?

My life’s story since March of 1995 has been shaped, as best as I am able to allow it and despite my failures, by the Gospel story, and it is my hope that my work adds a little something to the reality of God’s all-inclusive love and mercy. Still, I wonder what my story and the poverty-stricken places I’ve seen means for me. How can I even begin to fix the poverty I see around me when I do not truly see the poverty within me? The more I see of life, the less answers I have. It is all such an unfathomable mystery…life, death, love, hatred, joy, sadness, health, sickness, prosperity, poverty, laughter, suffering. Yet God, through Christ, is in all of it, except hatred, of course. It is all part of the magnificent complexity of the mystery of creation.

O God, help me let go of everything in my life
and all that I expect and wish for.
I know that You have the best plan for me,
and I am trying to give You everything:
my life, my time, my possessions and my aspirations.
Help me to wait upon You
and not take matters into my own hands.
I want to give You my all
and I believe with all my heart and strength
that You will take care of me,
far and above anything I could ever do.
I love you Lord,
and I want all of my life to be my gift to You.
Help me, please, dear Lord,
let go of everything that keeps me
from being more fully united to You.

Lord, help me grow in humility,
help me to confess my own brokenness.
Help me move out of my world of illusion
and self-created desires
and into Your universe of
love, joy and peace.

Lord, I cry out for healing.
Transform my brokenness,
I beg You,
into a new life in You,
the true source of strength and wholeness.

Help me, Lord, remove everything
that blocks me
from joyfully living the good news
of the paschal mystery.
O awesome and transcendent God,
free me from the slavery of my sinfulness.

In my prison of darkness,
Your unmerited grace is a soothing ray of light.


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